Survivor’s Guilt is Real

This morning I spent some time just rocking and being with Baby Avett. The doctor, which was the fill-in for Scout’s original doctor, stopped by to give me an update. Have you ever heard of survivor’s guilt? I had never felt that response before this morning. As the doctor carried on, quite loudly, about all the great progress Avett has made, the only thing I remember wishing was for the doctor to stop talking. There are two other babies (and their parents) in the NICU right now that aren’t doing as well as Avett is, and my heart goes out to them. Once again, I don’t know if what I’m feeling is normal, but I do know my feelings are real.

If that same conversation had happened in our hospital room (yes, we still have one even though Tyler is officially discharged), I believe I would be using a lot more exclamation points. !!! That good news the doctor was bragging about goes something like this: Avett has progressed faster than anyone expected. Also, he passed his hearing screening. He is functioning perfectly for a 33-week boy, and the only thing we are waiting on is for him to be able to eat without his ng tube (nasogastric tube – it goes through his nose into his stomach).

For that reason, the doctor said we should expect Avett to stay in the NICU for another 4 weeks. Expectations managed. I’ll share more about his eating in an upcoming post. In the meantime, enjoy this sweet photograph I shot of Avett with the present Scout got for him. If you want to see and feel how little Avett still is, pop by Target and look at this lion in the baby section. Small but mighty, little dude!

Dating My Wife

After Tyler and I both had a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day yesterday, she took matters into her own hands to ensure today was better. When we dropped Scout off at school, she insisted we have a day date. It’s a wonder what sitting inside Starbucks with your best friend, chatting over coffee, will do for your spirits. That, followed by impromptu pedicures, pulled us just enough away from the real world to give us some perspective. We have 4 incredible kids, jobs we adore, a roof, and two sets of parents that love us like crazy. More than that, we have a teammate who would do (or endure) anything to see the other one succeed. I love my wife and I’m so proud of her for what she has accomplished this week.

She really is my hero.

Unusually Good.

On the Scout front, she loves her Baby Brother without a doubt. I thought since our late-night heartaches and pings of jealousy that Scout would hold a grudge toward Avett. Yet, when we visited today, she carried on, blowing him kisses, calling him cute, and telling anyone who would listen that she loves him. As a parent, you want so badly for your kids to love one another and get along, so I’m thankful Scout feels love in her heart for him.

She is an unusually good kid, much like her namesake, Scout Finch. Thus far in life, she hasn’t had to share our attention. She hasn’t had to face heartache or injustice. But as those get introduced into her little 3-year-old life, Scout learns and grows from them. Honestly, it isn’t fair that Avett can’t come home, and that she still can’t hold him. It isn’t fair that mom has to leave our home to go to him during bedtime. But through all the disappointment, Scout emerges, showing kindness.

Thank you all for being here. I appreciate this way of processing what I’m working through. And I appreciate you!

Talk to you soon,
Dale